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Who are you… not to be unique?

Posted in Irshaddering Thoughts, Q & A on Mar 26, 2008

Tonight at New York University, I’m delivering a speech called “Faith Without Fear: Moral Courage in an Age of Conformity.” I’ll be discussing how ordinary people can develop the permission to defy orthodoxy in their own communities.

You got a sneak preview of the speech in my previous post. I pointed out that jealous, lazy or frustrated types often silence mavericks with the subtle sneer, “Who the hell are you?” Instead of challenging their personal insecurities (which would require honesty, God forbid), they’ll take the lazy route of making you feel insufficient.

Socrates and Einstein didn’t buy that age-old ploy. Why should you?

The point resonated. A sample of your comments:

* “I’m an Asian-American who never, ever wanted to do what all the ‘clever’ brown girls are supposed to, which is become physicians, attorneys and of course wives. Ever since childhood I’ve been asking myself, ‘Who the hell am I to think differently?’ You answered by reminding us all about self-educated, supposedly un-credentialed renegades like Socrates, Spinoza, Einstein, Rosa and Obama.

I’m now inspired to challenge some of my community’s prejudices, especially about women. But I know I’ll get backlash. It’s inevitable, right? Can you throw me a few more scraps to fortify my backbone?” - Priya

* “As a woman in a world where there’s so much negativity thrown at you, how do you find strength to not internalize it? Any pearls of wisdom you can offer other women living in similar worlds? I and my female colleagues are waiting with bated breathe for your response.” - Daniela, MA, CHRP

You betcha, babes.

First, here’s an excerpt from Martin Luther King Jr.’s final sermon, entitled “The Drum Major Instinct”:

“If you want to be important — wonderful. If you want to be recognized — wonderful. If you want to be great — wonderful. But recognize that he who is greatest among you shall be your servant.

That’s a new definition of greatness. And this morning, the thing that I like about it: by giving that definition of greatness, it means everybody can be great, because everybody can serve.

You don’t have have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve. You don’t have to know about Plato and Aristotle to serve. You don’t have to know Einstein’s theory of relativity to serve. You don’t have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve.

You only need a heart full of grace, a soul generated by love. And you can be that servant.”

Now, how do you cultivate the confidence to be “great” when you’re not perfect — that is, when you know that your subject and verb won’t always agree?

I say, understand your fear in order to transcend it. Marianne Williamson nails this point in a counter-intuitive way:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

My advice: Put these sentiments into your own words so that you’re expressing a personal manifesto of moral courage. When they’re authentic, words won’t fail you. They’re already in you.

Go get ‘em — the words. And the world.

Learn more about the Moral Courage Project, which I’m directing at New York University.