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Your letters - posted October 1, 2005 (part 2)

Posted in Q & A on Oct 01, 2005

Posted October 1, 2005

“Tell the truth on islam and not all these lies you crazy woman. Ppl like you must pay and will pay.” - Abdel

Irshad replies (not to Abdel but to you, dear reader): Judging by his email address, the individual who sent me this message lives in Denmark.  His last name is Andersen.  Sounds to me a like a convert — and a “homegrown” or “Western-raised” threat.  We’re seeing more and more like him. Which is why pretending that the problem exists outside of the West is no longer an option.  At least the next woman gets it…

“It is time others had the moral courage to admit to the truths that you tell in public.  It is difficult for non-Muslim women to criticize the treatment of women in Islam without being wrongly accused of racism.  I work with women who have been raped and abused. I have no doubts about how the Christian religion has also been used to subjugate women.  However, the honor killings, female genital mutilation, forced marriages, etc taking place in Western societies have been ignored for too long under the guise of respecting other cultures.  It is time that all decent people, regardless of race, religion, or gender stood up against violence and tyranny.” - Eileen, Belfast

Irshad replies: Right on, Eileen! Many Westerners today would like to have it both ways — embracing the universality of human rights as well as the equality of cultures.  But that’s not sustainable.  Because if you believe that all human beings are entitled to a certain set of dignities, then cultural practices that violate those dignities can’t, by definition, be defended. The French-Arab novelist, Amin Maalouf, nailed it when he wrote, “Traditions deserve respect only insofar as they are respectable - that is, exactly insofar as they themselves respect the fundamental rights of men and women.”

“I am a French-Acadian woman. Last summer, I went to Moncton, New Brunswick and saw a large number of women wearing the hijab [head-scarf].  This included a girl of my daughter’s age, 9 years old.  It bothered me.  Not because I don’t agree with expressing faith, au contraire, I do it myself.  It bothered me because there is always that question in the back of my mind… ‘Is it really a choice?’  It worries me that in our country of Canada there are still some women who are not free to make important choices.  But when I heard you on TV, I realized that what bothers me the most is not feeling free enough to simply ASK those questions.

What also scares me is when I hear Muslims (or any other religious people) tell me that I don’t have the authority to discuss religion.  When a person tells that to another person, it creates an even bigger gap between cultures because the person who is trying to understand is suddenly not able to express questions. It is also giving the authority to a certain group of people who have the power to explain and interpret religious books the way they want.  Slowly, Muslims become “THEM” and we are the group called “US”.  And history has shown that “THEM” is always the cause of all troubles, and has to be eliminated by the “US”.  We need more people brave enough to ask real questions. We don’t always need answers, but questions are a necessity!” - Josee

Irshad replies: What I hear you saying is that good-hearted, open-minded liberals in the West fear being called racists if they ask questions about the human rights abuses that are happening in the name of Islam.  Here’s my answer: You WILL be called racists from time to time.  Get used to it.  But don’t make peace with it.  When your accusers hurl the r-word at you, remind them that in the last 100 years alone, more Muslims have been tortured and murdered at the hands of other Muslims than at the hands of any foreign imperial power.  That’s not to deny Western imperialism.  It’s to point out that imperialism comes in many shades and colors.  Because Muslims are the foremost victims of Muslim violence, when you and I stand up for human rights in Islam, the first people we’re defending are ordinary Muslims themselves.  What’s so racist about that? Get comfortable asking those questions — out loud.

“I am a Muslim and I have been living in the West for 20 years.  The rest of my family is still in Asia.  Every time I come home for a visit, once the novelties of my homecoming are gone (usually after 4 days, and usually after dinners where the males in my family seem to take it for granted that their empty plates should be cleared by the women, even though these males are not victims of lost limbs), I seem to start these heated debates with my family about why women are being treated as second-class citizens and the injustices faced by Muslim women in parts of the world.  Every time I raise these questions, I am treated as an outsider, which infuriates me.

I respect my mother and sisters, who recently decided to wear head scarves. But somehow, in doing so, I noticed they have gradually given up some of their rights as women, which is so upsetting to me.  What next? If they decide to wear the burkha, does this mean they are subjecting themselves to beatings from their men, too? I have always thought of my family as modern and liberal, but I am not so sure anymore!!” - G.S., Germany

Irshad replies: As long as you have the courage of your confusions, you should continue asking questions at the dinner table.  I’ve found that merely wondering aloud shakes many Muslims out of their comfortable, complacent certitudes.  Even if it doesn’t feel like you’re getting through to your mother and sister, trust me: In their private moments, when they’re alone, they will not be able to forget your questions.

Above all, don’t worry about tension at the dinner table. When the males with the functioning limbs and empty plates call you an outsider, tell them you’re enough of an insider to know that the Quran states: “Believers, conduct yourselves with justice and bear true witness before God, even if it be against yourselves, your parents, or your family” (4:135). Pass the potatoes, please!