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More of your advice to the American soldier

Posted in Q & A on Mar 03, 2008

“GI Jane” is an American female soldier who struggles with Iraqi Arabic, her US military uniform and the assumption of many Arab men that, as a Western woman surrounded by male army officers, she’s a whore. Despite all of these challenges, she asked me for advice about how to help the people of Baghdad.

I turned GI Jane’s question over to you. What a response! Click here for Part One of your answers.

In this second installment, we begin with the advice of an Iraqi man who lives in America:

“My suggestion is that you try to help children as much as you can because the adults are mad as hell, as you stated. They will be, because their own country has been demolished around them. Put yourself in their shoes if you lost your fiancee or your child or your parents during the invasion.

Some of my family left everything behind because of that war. They live in Syria and no one, not one country, would give them a visa or help them to live life as it should be.

Now you know why they are mad. It’s got nothing to do with you being a non-Muslim Caucasian female.” - Ghesoon

But Connie, a former US soldier who lives in Egypt, disagrees with Ghesoon:

“Western and Eastern cultures ARE very different — and will likely always be so. But that doesn’t mean we have nothing in common.

I would suggest that this good-hearted soldier continue to love the people enough to talk to them. If they start treating her like a whore, be polite but firm… ‘I am NOT what you think I am. Would you talk to your mother this way? Your sister? What if you were my brother — would you want other men to treat me like this?’

In Egypt, I dress conservatively (not covered from head to toe, but not like a wild tourist either). Yet I will still sometimes hear men mutter the Arabic word for ‘whore’ as I pass by. I faced the same thing in Pakistan where everyone thought I must be an extra from Baywatch simply because I am American. I showed them that I was a good person, a good wife to my husband and a good mother to my children. People eventually accepted me, and even stood up for me when others were rude.

In short, I will not live up to the lowered expectations of those who are ignorant. The perception that many people have of Americans usually comes form TV and propaganda. It can be very sleazy and unreal, yet if that is all people see, then that is all they have.

Think about TV evangelists and freaky fundamentalists who try to convert you to their religion. They, too, are sleazy and unreal. It is a very distorted slice of a bigger whole. But when you see individuals from that same denomination performing acts of charity, really walking the talk, then you cannot help but feel warm towards them even if you are 100% not interested in joining their church.

Soldier, you are doing the right thing. Get out there, be yourself, and show the world what the reality is… and SMILE when you do it!” - Connie

Having heard from an Arab man living in America and an American woman living in Egypt, let’s now turn to a young Muslim with a Buddhist bent who lives in neither of these places. From his advice, we’ll see a patch of common ground emerge…

“Building bridges is hard in the best of times, let alone with a beleaguered, hostile, distrustful, war-wearied population. You’ve got a lot going against you. You’re a woman among many misogynists, in an American army uniform, striving to have a basic conversation in the local language.

It’s with these reality checks in mind that I write my three points.

First, while being a woman is a disadvantage in some respects, it’s an advantage in others. Many girls grow up with a mentality of fear that’s propagated by the community around them. You can bet that’s the case in a post-dictatorship Muslim country still mired in the throes of brutal violence.

Connecting in some way with a strong, determined, kind woman might make a huge difference to an Iraqi girl. No matter how modest the interaction might seem to you, it may be the opening of another reality for her, especially at a time when fear seems like the only truth.

Second, while your uniform is a disadvantage, it’s also an advantage. You have fellow soldiers who’ve got your back and might be able to bring some modicum of order to the chaos while you try to find your way to making a difference. Most Iraqis don’t have the privilege of that security, as you yourself point out.

Third, while you stumble over the language, and it is a definite barrier, kids don’t care about that. When adults are calling you a white whore, remember how the children see you. Kids, especially in times of trauma, can’t fake anything. Reach out to them.

On a closing note, I want you to know that I’m inspired by your determination.” - Shahid

What I’m inspired by is the level of dialogue — challenging, critical, self-critical, sometimes contentious, yet always constructive.

Coming up: the final installment of your advice to GI Jane.