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How Mel Gibson might educate my feminist friends

Posted in Irshaddering Thoughts on Jul 22, 2010

By now, we all know about Mel Gibson’s vulgar and vicious tirades against his former girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva. In one of the recordings, released by RadarOnline.com, Mel claims to “own” Oksana. Disgusting.

Nearly as revolting, though, is how some of my feminist friends have been using this story. They’ve effectively told me, “See? Muslim women aren’t the only ones who face heinous male behavior. It’s a global phenomenon.”

Violence against women is, indeed, a global phenomenon. But — and this is what many of my fellow feminists don’t own up to — Mel’s aggression is almost universally condemned. The same can’t be said of the “honor crimes” so often experienced by Arab and South Asian women.

That’s not splitting hairs. Fact is, the communal validation that honor crimes receive allow them to continue with very little debate among Muslims, Sikhs and Hindus.  And if those communities won’t raise these issues, no wonder Western feminists rarely do. But feminists should.  As long as we aren’t pounding away at honor crimes, how can we expect media coverage by network TV or punishment by law enforcement?

I’ve blogged my brains out about this problem. So let me turn to a new voice: Aruna Papp. She’s a Canadian social worker of South Asian heritage. Ms. Papp has just written a ground-breaking report called Culturally Driven Violence Against Women. She hammers home the point that the deadly self-censorship enveloping honor-based violence needs to end.

Highlights from her report:

* “[C]ulturally driven violence… is condoned and even facilitated by kinship groups and the community.”

* Regarding Aqsa Parvez, the Muslim-Canadian teen strangled by her father and brother to ‘cleanse’ their family’s honor, “the 12 adults living in the house condoned the abuse of this girl… After killing her, the father told his wife, ‘My community will say that you have not been able to control your daughter. This is my insult. She is making me naked.’”

* “South Asian culture glorifies self-sacrifice in girls and women and puts a premium on their chastity. In addition, tensions around dowry expectations, the idolization of males and arranged or forced marriages — traditions that run directly counter to Canadian values — all play a role in creating a favourable climate for the abuse of girls and women.”

* “[T]he most insurmountable obstacle of all: a community-wide conspiracy of silence… Community leaders point to cultural traditions, religious values and norms in defending their way of life. Thus, they consciously exploit multiculturalism-inspired fears of appearing racist or of perpetuating cultural stereotypes” — fears, that is, among members of wider society, from feminists to journalists to police officers to judges. For example:

* “[T]here are more than a few cases in Canada of crimes committed in the name of cultural values where judges imposed lesser penalties on the perpetrator in deference to his cultural motivation.”

In one such instance, “Judge Monique Dubreuil sentenced two men convicted of sexual assault to 18-month conditional sentences and 100 hours of community service each, stating, ‘The absence of regret of the two accused seems to be related more to the cultural context, particularly with regards to relations with women, than a veritable problem of a sexual nature.”

Given their ‘cultural conditioning,’ so to speak, Judge Dubreuil handed the men lenient sentences. Writes Ms. Papp, that’s how “abused women are forced to remain silent while the abuses continue even into the second and third generation.”

Already, Mel Gibson is fleeing the United States for an isolated ranch in the Australian outback. He knows he’s in trouble. He’s perfectly aware of his outcast status. The Mel Gibson Haters Club has officially launched.

When will good-hearted, broad-minded Westerners begin pushing Arab and South Asian communities in North America to react with remotely the same intensity toward their Mel Gibsons? Or do Extra and Entertainment Tonight need to show political progressives the way forward?