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Your letters - posted June 15, 2006

Posted in Q & A on Jun 15, 2006

Posted June 15, 2006

Summer is typically a busy season for wedding planners. Flowers are ordered. Cakes baked. Dresses designed. Families torn asunder by disputes over whose name should be first on the invitation. It’s a big stress-fest. But a fest it is.

So what what are all the Muslim/non-Muslim couples out there doing? If the emails I get are any indication, they’re sweating about whether Islam permits marriage outside of the faith. Or how to convince non-Muslim parents that it’s ok to have Muslim in-laws. Or whether any Muslim cleric will officiate an inter-religious wedding. Book the DJ and read on…

“I’m a British-born Sikh male who is deeply in love with a Muslim girl. Is it forbidden to marry a non-Muslim in Islam? My girlfriend has never encouraged me to convert to Islam and neither have I told her to convert to Sikhism. We are so deeply in love that it has come to a point where we are unbreakable and neither can leave each other. I’m ready to fight for her, even if it means that some members of my family will go against me. But she is so scared of what her parents may do or say to her. I would love to marry her and she feels the same about me. Any advice?” - Bal

Irshad replies: Read this. It’s an Islamic defense of inter-faith marriage. The defense comes directly from an imam, Khaleel Mohammed, who also teaches Islam at San Diego State University. Prof. Mohammed studied at traditional Islamic institutions in Saudi Arabia and Syria. He took his Ph.D. In Islamic law at McGill University. The guy knows what he’s talking about. And even if your girlfriend’s Muslim parents reject his interpretation, they can never say that no imam would have blessed their daughter’s marriage.

As for your Sikh family: Ask them how they feel about being more bigoted than Muslims. I mean, if Islam is capable of accepting marriage outside of the faith, is it really a source of pride that Sikhism can outdo Islam on the prejudice scale? Oy vey.

“I’ve been dating a girl for almost five months now and she’s Muslim. Her family’s pretty liberal – she doesn’t wear any headscarves, played sports, exposed skin (*gasp*) and didn’t attend a madressa. The fact that she’s a practicing Muslim never really mattered to me. She questions some of it, but accepts it because that’s ‘the way its always been.’ Her mom’s a convert and their family is mixed Indian and Chinese. I knew some of the implications going into the relationship, but it was a combination of me not knowing enough and having the naïve hope that since her family was mixed and not completely Muslim (at the beginning of their marriage), they’d be accepting of who I am - an atheist.

Now her parents found out and they weren’t very pleased for two reasons: 1) we snuck behind their backs (understandably so) and 2) I’m not Muslim. I really only found out about the whole marriage thing (Muslim men marry anyone, but Muslim women only marry Muslim men) mid-way through the relationship, and I guess I naively believed that they’d bend the rules since we felt so strongly about each other. They didn’t. Their ultimatum for me was that I convert or get lost.

I’ve honestly considered converting to be with her, but I’m searching for a better reason. Religion should be a spiritual self-discovery, right? Well, I can’t see myself even approaching the idea of conversion if she wasn’t factored into things. I’d like to describe my state of being as religious inertia. I’m not going to convert until I’m pushed to (by the parents) because I’m content and I don’t need anything else at the moment. I’m as strong in my beliefs as they are. It’s just that since these things have been so abrupt and they just want us to cut off all relations, I can’t fathom leaving her and she can’t do the same to me. We’re too hopelessly in love.

If you’re gagging at this point, I understand. I’ve never written to anyone before for advice just because I’ve always thought that I can handle things on my own. But this time it’s different. The intricacies of Islam are confusing and I just need some logical thoughts. What I’m asking is, do I have a chance in hell?” - Richard

Irshad replies: In hell, yes. And quite possibly in heaven, too. First read Imam Khaleel Mohammed’s defense of inter-faith marriage. Then remind your girlfriend’s Muslim parents that the Quran makes room for people who ‘disbelieve.’ Indeed, Islam’s holy book contains three recurring messages that defend freedom of conscience. First, only God knows fully the truth of anything. Second, God alone can punish unbelievers (which makes sense since only God knows what true belief is). Human beings must warn against corrupt practices, but that’s all we can do to encourage piety — warn. Third, our resulting humility sets us free to ponder God’s will, without any obligation to toe a dictated line. “Let there be no compulsion in religion,” states a voice in chapter 2 of the Quran. “Unto you your religion, unto me my religion,” echoes another voice in chapter 109. And in between, there’s this: “If God had pleased He would have made you all one people, but he has done otherwise…” A passage like this suggests that not only is there virtue in tolerating difference, but that the world’s breathtaking multiplicity is part of the divine design.

As an atheist, you might feel uncomfortable quoting from Islamic scripture to make your point. But you’ll be doing a huge favor not just to your relationship with your girlfriend and her parents. You’ll also be serving the cause of Islamic reform. Who knew an atheist could contribute? The Lord works in mysterious ways…

“I am a 1st generation American and I came from a relatively laid back Muslim household. My fiance came from a Lutheran Christian household and he converted to Islam, a decision with which his parents have not been comfortable for some time. His conversion pre-dates me. We would like to have a ceremony that is inclusive and could alleviate his parents’ discomfort with Islam. Do you know of anyone who can help?” - Shahi

Irshad replies: Once again, Dr. Khaleel Mohammed to the rescue. Here’s his advice…

    “From a purely legal standpoint, you can assuage your fiance’s Christian parents by having THEM officiate, on the compromise that they mention nothing against you and your groom’s beliefs. Marriage is essentially a contract. It exists to ensure that ALL know you are wife and husband. Religious people have put their stamp on it, but from an Islamic legal perspective, even a signing at the registrar’s office would be acceptable.

    I appreciate that religion is important to you and your groom. Therefore, you don’t want something legalistic. You want something religious without being particularistic. Here, too, I think that nothing would show the spirit and tolerance of Islam more than to invite your fiance’s Christian parents to conduct the ceremony.

    If they insist on a pastor, you can let them know that you do not wish for any theologically problematic material. If the pastor agrees and then introduces something about Jesus Christ as son of God, that is beyond YOUR responsibility. In such a case, the pastor made an agreement and broke it — and the Quran says that ‘God does not tax a being beyond its ability.’ As long as you agree in good faith, then certainly God knows your noble intention, made all the higher because its purpose is to bring peace and show respect to parents.

    Parents are parents and I predict that if you ask them to conduct the ceremony, they will be happy enough to go along.”

”I have learned a lot about Islam because I am attracted to many Muslim girls, and it happens vice-versa too. The problems I have are:

   1. Forced conversion if I am to marry;
   2. No other alternative open to discussion;
   3. Disgusting manipulation of guilt or alienation by family if the girl marries a non-Muslim (or even thinks about it);
   4. Sunat [established customs];
   5. Strict dietary requirements;
   6. Compulsory prayer 5 times a day;
   7. Wife shouldn’t go out unveiled.

There is no option of an in-between, moderate path, where both end up as spiritual atheists (if religion is even required). Muslims will not tolerate such an option. As a result, I have had to endure painful splits, time and time again.” - Sanj

Irshad replies: Sanj, I have two pieces of good news for you. First, reading the questions and answers above will show you that Islam has the capacity for inclusion. Whether that comforts you is another matter. The second piece of good news is even better: I might have found a soul-mate for you! Read below. No agent’s fee expected…

“I am an American of South Asian and non-Muslim descent who had the unfortunate pleasure of being intimately and emotionally involved with a Pakistani man. A month into our relationship, he told me that he was engaged to his cousin back home. We somehow became very close and were together for a year.

However, when I went overseas, he broke up with me, using the excuse that it was his mother’s dying wish to fulfill his duty and marry his cousin. He even cried and exclaimed his love for me. Why did his mother not come up during our relationship? My bigger question is this: Why do Muslim men have such double standards? We ‘overseas’ women are not good enough for a commitment but are around to be used and abused. Why? Muslim men should not preach purity when they are just as bad as some Western men, if not worse.” - Natasha

Irshad replies: I have two pieces of good news for you, Natasha. First, Muslim men often treat their wives as badly as they treat their girlfriends. Rejoice in the fact that the Pakistani guy didn’t commit. You’re now free. The second piece of news is even better: I might have found a soul-mate for you! Read Sanj’s message above. Let me know if you want his email address.

“Amy” is a Muslim woman who left Morocco at age 20 and now lives in the U.S. Throughout her life, she encountered abuse and hypocrisy at the hands of Muslims: male relatives telling her that she’ll burn in hell for not wearing the hijab, imams warning her against praying for Jewish and Christian friends (or having such friends at all), a mother who threatened to disown her daughters if they married for love instead of honor.

Recently, Amy wrote to say that “I found your book a week ago and it couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. I was thinking about leaving Islam.” The book convinced her that there’s value in staying, struggling and challenging the establishment. She might still walk away. So might I. But by seeking to reform Islam from within, we’ll know we didn’t run away.

In that spirit, Amy reviewed irshadmanji.com’s Letters Archive and wrote her own replies to my critics. Below is a sample. This is a great start to becoming a voice of change. May “Amy” use that voice to put her real name on these responses, inshallah.

IRSHAD’S CRITIC: “You possess no intellect or facts, you two-cent, no good lesbo. You simply manipulate your own unholy existence to look decent. A very basic definition of law (in my words) is ’submission to the norms of society’. We are followers, not questioners! God has created us for worshipping in His name, not to second-guess His word. There is no such thing as ‘in my opinion’ in Islam, as I so often hear you say. There is only one principle: total submission to God, our Lord.” - anonymous

AMY’S REPLY: Yeah, we are a bunch of sheep. If there is no such thing as “in my opinion” in Islam, then everything about Islam that is explained by people should be deleted. No more imams. No more mullahs. No more ignoramuses (ie. you) who speak on behalf of God. Thank you for making our point. You did us a favor.

IRSHAD’S CRITIC: “Do you think that just because you have a mind, you should use it? Desist and apologize for your blaspheming ways while you still have a chance. People like you should not exist. It is no wonder there is a hell. Enjoy your short stay in this world for God only knows what is coming to you, Irshad Manji.” - Basit

AMY’S REPLY: “People like you should not exist.” Basit, are you questioning God’s creation? Because He’s the one who chooses Irshad to be here, alive and kicking. You must be a kaffir if you’re saying that God made a mistake. What should we do with you, dear Basit? Maybe hang you?!

IRSHAD’S CRITIC: “You criticize when a woman cannot go outside without the permission of her husband. Well, that is proof of a man’s love for her, that she cares and wants to protect her. Otherwise he’ll say, ‘To hell with wherever she goes! What do I care?’ Look at the plus points, Irshad. It’s not a woman’s duty to work for her mate. He has to provide for her! Which religion will give so much to a woman?”

AMY’S REPLY: I would like to talk about the words that so many Muslim men throw at their wives: “it is because I care for you.” Yes, my father would slap my mother and say “it is because I care for you.” My uncle grilled his wife one day when she stayed out for too long. The care was obvious on his face. I am sorry to say but that is just another way of controlling women.

I have lived with my husband for nine years with 100% freedom. I travel alone even on the days that he works. I have spent time on the beach by myself, walking, swimming, reading. I was never bothered by anyone. I was never hurt or attacked.

The problem with Arab Muslim men is that they won’t give freedom to their wives so their wives can’t learn how to be independent. So when it happens that the wife goes out alone, it is just normal that something bad happens because she is not equipped for it. The husband is then happy to see this and throw out the obvious statement: “you see what I told you? From now on you will listen to my instructions.” It is a vicious cycle and the wife, sister and daughter are trapped in it.

Now, let’s go to your other issue: a woman doesn’t have to work for her mate. Yes, but she can. Many qualified Muslim women are not allowed to work because the man wants to keep control over her. My father promised my mother that she would work after marriage, but once married, my father said: “no way.” I don’t think my mother ever got over that one. She felt cheated. Many women in my country of Morocco go beyond their strength to keep daughters in school because they don’t want them to end up jailed in the house. When you are imprisoned, depression and sickness set in. Today, my mother can’t bring herself to walk in the street because of the way my father kept her at home. Most of the women who are my mother’s age have been controlled, manipulated and beaten by their husbands. Why? “Because I care for you.” Whatever!

IRSHAD’S CRITIC: “I don’t mind women being in power except for the fact that women liberationists tend to blow things out of proportion. I mean, if you’re gay, that’s great, but is it necessary to bring that up all the time? Don’t you think that puts people off from the real issue that you’re trying to get across? If you marry your partner, will you keep your religion and will your partner keep her own religion?? Major religions frown upon gay marriages as well as the partners’ not conforming to the same religions. Doesn’t that annoy you because of what you believe in? It also seems that women liberationists are emotional. When tough decisions need to be made, and you’re put in the dilemma of having to choose between great evils, will you let your emotions get the best of you? Are you sure?!” - Faizal

AMY’S REPLY: I would rather see the love and respect that goes between Irshad and her partner then see an Arab man slap his wife, as my father did to my mother (a very faithful Muslim). And Faizal says that women are the emotional ones. Right. To Irshad and her partner: be happy.

IRSHAD’S CRITIC: “What your book neglects to address is how Muslims can interact with other cultures and the larger world without losing their unique identity. Some Muslims who don’t live in the West have a fear of losing themselves to Western culture. Muslims living in the West, like other immigrants, have to negotiate their values and lifestyles with their host societies. What should that negotiation look like?” - Bongo

AMY’S REPLY: The first thing I was told when I came to the U.S. is to befriend a good, hijab-wearing girl. Befriending Americans was bad for me, my uncle said. He built a wall around his family because non-Muslim people might bring “not so good morals” to his house. Myself, I don’t wear hijab. I don’t even pray the way traditional Muslims do. But I am honest and full of integrity. My new friends are Italian, Hungarian, African-American, Korean and Senegalese. No angry Arabs. And you know what? I now have peace in my life.

IRSHAD’S CRITIC: “To all those who write: Just a word of warning about Ms. Manji! She is a Radical, Leftist, Anti-American! I live here in the Great White North and have the displeasure many times of seeing this puke on TV, bashing Conservative policies. You want to be very careful hitching yourself to this woman!” - Devon, Edmonton, Alberta

AMY’S REPLY: Thank you for the warning but we are grown-up enough to take the risk. Just to tell you, I am in the process of reading all the books that Irshad and other Muslim authors have recommended. I am searching around for more truth. Irshad is actually converting back a lot of people who are upset with Islam. Now tell me what you are doing.

Oh, I forgot, you are watching TV.

Your letters - posted May 8, 2006

Posted in Q & A on May 08, 2006

Posted May 8, 2006

After several weeks of cartoon wars, manifestos for freedom, death threats in response to the manifestos, and petitions to oppose the death threats, it’s high time for a little humor. During the past couple of months you’ve sent me jokes to lighten things up. Some of these are real groaners. Herewith, the best of the worst…

Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before take-off, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After take-off, the Marine kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, “I need to get up and get a Coke.”

“Don’t get up,” said the Marine. “I’m in the aisle seat. I’ll get it for you.”

As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marine’s right shoe and spat in it.

When the Marine returned with a Coke, the other Arab said, “That looks good. I’d really like one, too.” Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone, the other Arab picked up the Marine’s left shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

“Why does it have to be this way?” he asked. “How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes?”

How many religious extremists does it take to change to a light bulb?

One.

He holds the bulb while the Universe revolves around him.

This story concerns someone who dies and goes to heaven. The Angel Gabriel receives her and then gives her a tour. He shows her the Christian section, the Jewish section, and areas for people of other faiths.

Then they come to a tall and forbidding brick wall. Gabriel starts to tip-toe past. The person asks, “Hey, who gets locked up in there?”

“Quiet!” whispers Gabriel. “That’s the Muslim section. They think they’re the only ones up here!”

Irshad, I deeply appreciate your sense of humor. If that and Rumi could be milk-shaked into some new “excessive laughter” religion, with you as a prophetess, I would be one of your first companions. In the meantime, this is to tell you about a contest of anti-Semitic caricatures by Jews (filthy goyim not allowed). It’s our answer to the cartoon wars.

Salman Rushdie, the sub-human Muslim-hater, crosses a street. A Muslim driver, way above the speed limit and drunk as hell, kills him instantly without even noticing. At the next turn of the road, this driver loses all control of his car and slams into the wall of a mosque, dying instantly. What will be his reward in the afterlife?

A. 70 virgins
B. Nothing, because of the alcohol
C. Nothing, because of the absence of intention to kill
D. Nothing, damage was done to the mosque
E. Nothing, there is no afterlife at all
F. A lecture by Karl Marx on religion

WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU…

You are Jewish and so you are marked for death.

You are Christian and so you are marked for death.

You are atheist and so you are marked for death.

You are American and so you are marked for death.

You are Western European and so you are marked for death.

You are Australian and so you are marked for death.

You are homosexual and so you are marked for death.

You are Salman Rushdie and so you are marked for death.

You are a member of the European press who has produced offensive cartoons of the Prophet Mohammad and so (you guessed it) you are marked for death.

You are the rare and brave Muslim who has vocalized serious reservations about co-religionists who demonize Jews and the West, derogate other religions, praise anger as the noblest of all emotions, position victimhood as the ultimate dignity, choose violence as the tactic of first resort, and blame others for all the ills of society, and so you, too, are marked for death.

The good news?

You are a non-Western Muslim woman, so you’re really lucky.

Your letters - posted March 15, 2006

Posted in Q & A on Mar 15, 2006

Posted March 15, 2006

Violence alert

Friends: By now you know about the Manifesto of 12: Together Facing a New Totalitarianism. I signed it, as did Salman Rushdie, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Taslima Nasrin and several others. On March 11, we received a serious death threat from a chat thread on ummah.com, an Islamic website in Britain. Click here to see evidence of the threat.

The text is crystal-clear:

“Excellent - makes killing the kuffar [infidel]
all the bit easier… [N]ow we have drawn out a hit list of a ‘Who’s Who’ guide to slam into. Take your time but make sure their gone soon - oh and don’t hold out for a fatwah it isn’t really required here.”

Unlike daily threats, this one comes from a place of ‘authority,’ since ummah.com is known to attract many radicals. That’s why the Manifesto signatories need you to fight back with us. If you support freedom, pluralism and secularism, click here and put your name on our petition. We’ll publish the petition in the coming days.

Please send this message to your friends, colleagues and list-servs. Now more than ever, we need your courage. And we thank you for showing it.

—
THE MANIFESTO OF 12:

Together facing the new totalitarianism

After having overcome fascism, Nazism, and Stalinism, the world now faces a new global totalitarian threat: Islamism.

We — writers, journalists and public intellectuals — call for resistance to religious totalitarianism.

Instead, we call for the promotion of freedom, equal opportunity and secular values worldwide.

The necessity of these universal values has been revealed by events since the publication of the Muhammad drawings in European newspapers. This struggle will not be won by arms, but in the arena of ideas. What we are witnessing is not a clash of civilizations, nor an antagonism of West versus East, but a global struggle between democrats and theocrats.

Like all totalitarianisms, Islamism is nurtured by fears and frustrations. The preachers of hate bet on these feelings in order to form battalions destined to impose a world of inequality. But we clearly and firmly state: nothing, not even despair, justifies the choice of obscurantism, totalitarianism and hatred.

Islamism is a reactionary ideology which kills equality, freedom and secularism wherever it is present. Its success can only lead to a world of greater power imbalances: man’s domination of woman, the Islamists’ domination of all others.

To counter this, we must assure universal rights to oppressed people. For that reason, we reject “cultural relativism,” which consists of accepting that Muslim men and women should be deprived of their right to equality and freedom in the name of their cultural traditions.

We refuse to renounce our critical spirit out of fear of being accused of “Islamophobia,” an unfortunate concept that confuses criticism of Islamic practices with the stigmatization of Muslims themselves.

We plead for the universality of free expression, so that a critical spirit may be exercised on every continent, against every abuse and dogma.

We appeal to democrats and free spirits of all countries that our century should be one of enlightenment, not of obscurantism.

Signed,

Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Chahla Chafiq , Caroline Fourest, Bernard-Henri Lévy, Irshad Manji , Mehdi Mozaffari, Maryam Namazie, Taslima Nasreen, Salman Rushdie, Antoine Sfeir, Philippe Val, Ibn Warraq

—

Journalists’ most common questions - and Irshad’s answers - about the “Manifesto of 12″

* Why shouldn’t Muslims - or any other group - be protected from offence?

Irshad replies: Civilizational progress happens when individuals transgress, even blaspheme. Galileo offended the Church. So did Darwin. Spinoza royally offended many rabbis. The concept of universal human rights offends most religions. Without offence, there is only silence — and therefore groupthink.

* How did the manifesto come into being for you?

Irshad replies: The idea was brought to me by Caroline Fourest, an award-winning French journalist and author (and one of the 12 signatories). Through my website, she followed the debates and dialogues I’ve been having with my readers about the cartoons — and she noticed that I argue for freedom of expression based on the Quran itself.

For example, the Quran tells us that “there is no compulsion in religion”. Which means that nobody should be forced to treat Islamic norms as if they’re sacred. Moreover, the Quran states that there will always be non-believers, and that it’s up to God, not Muslims, to deal with them.

So when Muslims say “we would never depict the Prophet Muhammad this way!” I say that’s your right. But according to our own holy book, non-Muslims have no obligation to abide by that tradition. And we have no moral authority to force them to.

* Can you defend faith and secularism at the same time?

Irshad replies: Secularism gives space for religion while asking that religion not take over the public sphere. There’s no contradiction here. As a faithful Muslim who’s working hard with others to restore a critical spirit to Islam, I can at once embrace faith and promote a proper role for it.

* In light of your security situation (bullet-proof windows at home, for example), did you agonize over the decision to sign?

Irshad replies: Despite an increase in threats to me, the decision was not at all difficult. I’m passionate about promoting democratic values over theocratic ones, and universal human rights over cultural relativism - the attitude that claims what’s done in the name of a culture cannot be questioned, no matter how heinous it may be. Pluralism does not amount to “anything goes.” Tolerance of intolerance is a betrayal of our basic and shared humanity.

* What has the reaction been so far in America?

Irshad replies: The “blogosphere” (the world of web logs) is, for the most part, breathing a sigh of relief that silence is being broken over the need to address Islamist intimidation head-on.

On Feb 25, the New York Times ran an editorial entitled “Silenced by Islamist Rage.” The said, “It is time for moderate Muslims to abandon the illusion that they can placate the Islamists by straddling the fence… They must do so because their future is at stake - not Denmark’s.” That’s a key message of many of the blogs writing about this manifesto.

* What reaction do you expect from Muslims?

Irshad replies: I anticipate a mixed reaction from Muslims - hostility on the one hand (as one Muslim put it to me last week, “you and that bastard partner Rushdie”) and gratitude on the other (I’ve received many, many emails from younger Muslims who want to reconcile religious belief to free expression). My expectation of a mixed reaction is good news — only five years ago, such a manifesto would have been almost universally condemned by Muslims. Now, more and more reform-minded Muslims are discovering their voices.

* Critics are saying that the “Manifesto of 12” condemns Islam, not Islamism. Your response?

Irshad replies: “Read!” as the first word of the Quran itself goes. Read the Manifesto. We state forthrightly that critiquing Islamism should not be confused with stigmatizing Muslims. We also emphasize that Muslims are not to be denied equality and freedom. All of this amounts to a defense of those who practice Islam peacefully. It’s those who impose Islamism — on Muslims no less than on non-Muslims — whom we are challenging.

* Isn’t this about a clash of civilizations?

Irshad replies: No, not in the sense of a showdown between “Islam” and “the West.” As I mentioned above, there are many in the new generation of Muslims who advocate free expression and are hungry to hear interpretations of Islam that put a premium, not a fatwa, on originality of thought. These young people are in the world of Islam, so the neat and tidy demarcation of Islam versus the West breaks down right there. That’s why we make it clear in our manifesto that this is a battle between democrats and theocrats, examples of which can be found in both civilizations. That’s also why we appeal to the “free spirits of all countries.”

—

We Demand A Dozen Apologies Too
By an anonymous Iranian woman now living in the West

Indignant Muslims all over the world justify the violent reactions to cartoons depicting Prophet Muhammad by emphasizing the sanctity of Allah’s messenger. Islam’s devotees argue that these cartoons have desecrated a symbol of their faith, a pillar of their belief.

As members of free, democratic and civilized societies, we too have our sacred principles: liberty, dignity and humanity (including the right to be secure against cruel and unusual treatment). We believe that ALL human beings not only are entitled to these rights, but are obliged to respect and protect these basic values.

Muslims demanded apology, prosecution, and even assassination of artists and editors who allowed the publication of these cartoons. I too demand the apology and prosecution of those who are behind the belligerent violation of human rights in Islamic nations.

I demand appropriate actions to be taken against those responsible for the arrest, torture, and death of political and religious dissidents. Where is our rage after William Sampson and Zahra Kazemi were subjected to medieval torture and, in the case of the latter, murdered viciously in the prisons of Islamic world?

I demand apology for the amputations that are carried out in Iran, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, and Nigeria. Severing hands and legs and removing eyes as forms of punishment are deeply offensive to the collective conscience of humanity; it is a desecration of dignity, and it fills us with disgust.

I demand prosecution of all those who commit heinous crimes in the name of honor. I want accountability from the parents of the Jordanian girl who burned and disfigured their own daughter “because she was dating a boy.” I want the father of Nobahar, the young Iranian woman who gave birth to a baby boy out of wedlock, to be tried for torching his own daughter to death, and poisoning his own infant grandson.

I demand that all prisoners of conscience be released from the dungeons of Islamic countries where they are kept in dreadful and inhumane conditions.

I am outraged by clerics in the Middle East and elsewhere who preach violence against Westerners. The cartoons in question are harmless (unless, of course, the offended Muslims decide to bring harm upon themselves by resorting to violence). Preaching death and violence, as has been proven by the deadly terrorist attacks, is going to cost the lives of innocents.

This is but a small fraction of abuses committed almost daily by governments and people in the Muslim world. These actions are far more ruthless than depicting a sacred character in a few cartoons. It is time we stood up to these perpetrators of brutality.

I am offended. And I demand justice.

Your letters - posted February 20, 2006

Posted in Q & A on Feb 20, 2006

Posted February 20, 2006

After receiving a flood of emails from you on the Danish cartoons - and my media interviews about them - I’ve compiled the makings of a great debate. Read below.

“I saw you on the Danish news. As a convert to Islam and an ethnic Dane, I have been so sad and shocked to watch my brothers and sisters behave in the most undignified way. Can’t they see that they portray Islam as a violent and unforgiving religion? Personally, I can’t see why non-Muslims should ever submit to an Islamic taboo. Actually I found the drawings to be hilarious. I know they were harsh, but that is Danish humour. And I think that Muhammad, peace be upon him, had a sense of humour.” - Østen

Irshad replies: He must have had a great sense of humor to put up with the ignorance and threats that he got from his fellow Arabs. Speaking of ignorance and threats…

“i hear ur interview on cnn about the protests of cartoon character of prophet muhammad, peace be upon him. u said that why r there huge protests in muslim world. my answer is why not. print the cartoon of jesus and see what the christians will do.

remember me because by gods promise u n ur partner that bastard rushdie will die with lot of pain n u both will pray for death but death will not come to u so easily inshallah. n u will die soon inshallah. n ur soul will rot in hell. read this n remember every day.” - handsome_guy

The rotting soul replies: I challenge you to read the next letter every day and learn the difference between intimidation and disagreement…

“Based on things I’ve read on your website, I’m sure we would not agree on most political issues and regarding sexuality (I’m a conservative Christian). However, I just want to say that I wish for you all things good, pray that you continue to influence people in a positive way, and thank God that you are out there doing that already. Shuukran and ma’salaama!” - Tracy

“Caught your interview on CNN. Where did you get your ideas from? I know you like white cocks in your wide and stinky pussy but keep in your limits you dumb fuckin bitch ass gang banged hoe.” - anonymous

Irshad replies: I don’t know where YOU get your ideas because I’ve never had such, uh, penetrating sex. Ever. In my life. But that, my friend, is the kind of pleasure you may need — at least according to the next Muslim…
“I saw you on CNN discussing the hysteria over the Danish Muhammad cartoons. I also read your book back in late 2003 and at that time I was struck with indignation and joined with other Muslims in condemning it. I’m a white boy who converted to Islam when I was 17 out of a combination of seeking meaning in my life and rebelling against society. I am also gay, and only came to terms with that about a year or so ago. And now, while I still believe in Allah and Muhammad as his messenger, I also get the feeling that God gives us plenty of room to be human.

I guess while I love Allah, I dislike Muslims. Most, if not all, annoy me to the core of my being. Sometimes I feel that Muslims deserve to be offended by such trivial things like the Danish cartoons. I thought they were kind of funny, actually! I especially liked the quote by one of the editors of a Jordanian paper who reprinted the cartoons: ‘What is more insulting to Islam, someone drawing a cartoon or someone blowing up a wedding party?’

Muslims need to wake up. They also need to start drinking wine, embrace any and all homoerotic tendencies, write some poetry and for the most part free themselves of the fundamentalist chains they have created (for themselves and everyone else!). The Muslim world will only be free when bars fill the streets and women show off their natural, feminine beauty. Muslims need to grow up and stop expecting everyone to be mindless sheep before a 1,400-year-old oral tradition. Nakedness will free Dar-al-Islam!” - Jamal

Irshad replies: When the revolution comes, Jamal, remind me to shave my legs.

“Hey, who set off a bomb in my hair?!”
Caricature of Irshad drawn by Nik, an Iranian artist who spent six days in jail for lampooning his country’s mullahs. To view the offending cartoon, click here.
“No one knew what Mohammed looked like, so what is the big deal? Muslims should simply say to the cartoonists: ‘Arseholes, Mohammed never looked like that!’” - Chandra

Irshad replies: That’s about as eloquent a response as I’ve heard from anyone. Go, Chandra!

“I’m a girl who grew up in Denmark, but I’m originally from Bahrain. You say that the Muslim world should be more tolerant when it comes to freedom of speech. I agree. However, freedom of speech doesn’t mean that you have to use it to hurt, offend, or humiliate people. To represent the Prophet as a terrorist is like saying all the Muslims are terrorists. I know I’m not. You don’t see me making cartoons of Christianity in the shape of a Nazi symbol. It’s wrong! All I ask as a Muslim is to be respected. I do not consider myself a ‘religious’ person, but one thing I do know is that Islam means a lot to me.” - Fatima

Irshad replies: Islam means a lot to me, too — yet I also understand that nobody can humiliate me without my permission.

“I am from Quebec City and I think about you quite a lot these days with the caricatures of Muhammad and the violence it provokes. We should not provoke these people. I am very happy that Canada does not publish those caricatures. We do not need the Islamic reaction.” - Lise

Irshad gives an Islamic reaction: Listen up Lise, it wasn’t the Danish cartoons that provoked Muslims into rioting. After all, many of those cartoons ran on the front page of an Egyptian newspaper in October 2005 - and nobody went ballistic back then. The real provocation came from Danish imams and various Arab governments. They wanted to exploit the cartoons for their own political agendas. And therein lies the true desecration of the Prophet Muhammad. The more you fear the wrath of these opportunists, the more you play on their terms — and into their hands. Be a refusenik, Lise. Refuse to live in fear.

“I’ve seen two of the cartoons. The one with the bomb in the Prophet’s turban was disturbing at first. But when I looked at it again, I realized that for me what it was saying was that the terrorists will use even the PROPHET to attain their goals. If you see the picture of the Prophet as a metaphor for Islam, then it reflects the fact that there is and has been, for a while, a ticking time bomb in Islam - namely, the radical fundamentalists.” - Don

Irshad replies: Don, I want you to talk to the next woman…

“Irshad, when peoples have been war-stressed over many years, made hungry and poor, lost their homes, land, possessions, loved ones and neighbours, and they see a limited economic future for themselves, their children and their grandchildren, their individual and collective sanity is stretched to the breaking point. The rioters as a stressed and oppressed people are more vulnerable and have an even greater need for their God to be spared ridicule. No rabble rouser could stir their madness if it wasn’t on the surface, ready to happen.” - Susan

Irshad replies: You’re right that the Danish imams who spread these cartoons in the Middle East knew they were playing to an angry population. But we should ask: About what are the rioters angry? Let me assure you it’s not just Western injustices. It’s also local injustices such as poverty, illiteracy, and tyranny — problems that we Muslims have largely created for ourselves. My point is that in humanizing the rioters, let us not sanitize the source of their rage. Rather, we should heed the Quran’s words that ‘God changes not what is in a people until they change what is in themselves.’

“Ms. Munji, I saw your little part on MSNBC’s “Hardball” and I must admit I was shocked by a rather ignorant comment that you made. You said something along the lines of ‘those Muslims’, referring to all Muslims who live in non-western areas. As a Muslim who LIVES in a non-western area, is currently visiting a western country and is FROM a non-western area, I found it highly offensive.

You went on to say that ALL Muslims in America would never react the way ‘those’ Muslims did. Now, to me it seemed that you were doing an admirable job trying to procure security for all Muslims in America while, at the same time, feeding in the stereotype of the non-educated, barbaric people who live beyond the western world. Since you’re a refugee (fleeing from one’s own country automatically deems one a refugee), I can understand your indebtedness to the western world, but being a Muslim yourself (although, as you admit, a ’struggling’ one) I do not understand why you want to validate such a stereotype. Admittedly, there are many fundamentalists in the non-western world, and probably they are in the majority. But there are also MANY educated, non-fundamentalists. And as far as fundamentalists go, is America or Europe any different from the non-western world? In spite of the fact that they are a lot more educated? Definitely not. Educated they may be, but the common American man is just as ignorant as the common non-educated, say, Iraqi man.

I obviously am not asking for an apology or anything of the sort, since that makes no difference. I’m a Muslim woman who fights for our rights as well. Unfortunately, I do not find you worthy of admiring. I admire your cause. I do not admire your methods. Hence an apology from you is of no value. But I would like you to possibly consider what you say before you attack a whole army of people.” - Sara

Irshad replies: Wha? Huh? What do you mean “army of people”? [*Shock-followed-by-awe*] Don’t you see the neo-imperialist baggage you’ve brought to the discourse? You’ve just racialized our people and propped up the paradigm that Muslims are inherently violent. How could you be so insensitive? I won’t ask you to apologize, but I will ask you to read the Hardball transcript – in its entirety.

“Irshad, I am a Muslim woman and I’ve just read your article about the cartoons in Melbourne’s newspaper. I find it relieving and enlightening to know that there is a face of Islam other than hatred and violence. Your point of view helped me to change my limited perceptions of Islam. I do hope you continue to spread your views and help paint back the beauty of Islam to the world. I admire your courage to do the right thing.” - CS

“I heard your recent debate with As’ad AbuKhalil on “Democracy Now!” His confused rant of outrage against you, the cartoons, the West, FOX, Bill O’Reilly and Arab governments left me wondering at his intellectual honesty when dealing with the major issues that face Muslims today. Clearly this Muslim brother (or was he Mr. Have-Fun-Mocking-All-Religions-Atheist?) was not out to discuss with you about an important topic. He was just out to ‘get’ you with blatant personal attacks. Let me applaud you for standing up to that bully, keeping the debate on the issue at hand, and keeping up the good fight.” - Akbar

Irshad replies: It’s sometimes said that democracy is the transition from physical violence to verbal violence. “Democracy Now!” certainly lived up to that definition.

“Considering the number of people from all sides standing up and giving their opinions, and the values-based discussions that are happening within the Islamic world and various western communities, I feel the cartoons accomplished what they set out to do: stop the deadlock in conversation and get people talking again. Say something, anything, but don’t stop talking. So, hooray for the Danes!” - Mehdi

“I would like to see a Muslim posting the Mohammed cartoons on their website. Are you planning to do it?” - TB

Irshad replies: The Muslim Refusenik is happy to post a link to the cartoons. Click here to see all twelve of them on Wikipedia, and click here to see the caricatures that the radical Danish imams fabricated and attributed to Jyllands-Posten. Is anyone calling for a bounty on the heads of the imams for their depiction of the Prophet Muhammad as a demonic pedophile and a pig?

Finally, click here here to see the Muhammed cartoons as they appeared in the Egyptian newspaper, Al Fagr. This is the cartoon that Al-Fagr showcases most prominently:

Why am I showing the cartoon above? Quite simply, because I believe it makes an important point: in forcing a head-to-toe covering on women, allowing only a slit for their eyes, Muslim men who support strict Sharia law are more blind than the burqa-clad women. These men are blind to the possibilities of a humane Islam. They, not the Danish artists, mock the Prophet Muhammad’s message.

Your letters - posted February 12, 2006

Posted in Q & A on Feb 12, 2006

Posted February 12, 2006

You’ve been asking for it - and now you’ve got it: the Muslim Refusenik’s views on the cartoon wars. My commentary about this first appeared in the Wall Street Journal on Saturday, February 4. Since then, it has been reprinted in Denmark, Norway, the Netherlands, Brazil, Germany, India, Israel, Belgium, Britain, Canada, Australia, Italy and Scotland. Out of courtesy to their newspapers, I had to wait until now to post my text. An updated version of my commentary appears below. And don’t forget to check out some of my debates and interviews on the cartoon controversy, posted under News on the right hand side of this page.

How Muslims are caricaturing ourselves
By Irshad Manji

At the World Economic Forum in January, I observed something revealing. In a session about the U.S. religious right, a cartoonist satirized one of America’s most influential Christian ministers, Pat Robertson. In the audience, chuckling with the rest of us, was a prominent British Muslim. But his smile disappeared the moment we were shown a cartoon that ridiculed Muslim clerics.

Since then, a fierce fight has erupted between the European Union and the Muslim world over caricatures of the Prophet Muhammad. Months ago, the Danish newspaper, Jyllands-Posten, published cartoons that showed Islam’s messenger wearing, among other things, a turban-turned-time bomb. Although the paper has apologized, the controversy has metastasized: A Norwegian magazine and French paper recently re-printed the drawings, as have other broadcasters and publications while covering this story.

In response, Muslim rioters torched Scandinavian missions in Syria, Lebanon and Iran. Bomb threats have hit the offices of more than one European newspaper. Various Arab countries have recalled their ambassadors from Copenhagen. Chechnya has banned Danish humanitarian workers from its borders. Boycotts of Danish products have swept across supermarkets in the Arab world, and Muslims as far away as India and Indonesia are pouring into the streets to burn Danish flags – which feature the cross, among the holiest of Christian symbols. Early in the furor, thousands of Palestinians shouted “Death to Denmark!” Copenhagen evacuated Danish citizens from the Gaza Strip and sternly warned nationals in the West Bank to get out as well. Muslims themselves are getting pummeled in the riots: four died in Afghanistan alone on February 7. More will perish now that some Scandinavian NGOs are suspending tsunami relief efforts thanks to security problems.

To judge the root problem here, let us first determine how the cartoons became an international incident. Last September, these comics ran beside a story about the hurdles encountered by a Danish author in finding someone – anyone – to illustrate his children’s book about the Prophet. Every artist he approached declined the job out of fear of having to contend with Islamist extremists.

As if on cue, two of the people who produced these drawings received death threats in October 2005. We Muslims love to lecture about the need to assess touchy matters — such as offensive Koranic verses — “in context.” The context in which the Muhammad cartoons first appeared suggests that frustration, not malice, was the motive

Regardless, the cartoons met with howls of protest from Danish Muslims. Ten ambassadors of Muslim countries issued a letter demanding that Denmark’s prime minister punish Jyllands-Posten. Apparently, it didn’t occur to them that in a free society, media are generally independent of government. The paper continued to operate. Thus, the controversy continued to simmer.

Then a group of Danish imams took the cartoons to the Middle East. Complaining of press bias, they distributed the drawings – and fabricated a few of their own to ensure that unrest would be sown. One of the extra sketches, for example, portrays the Prophet with a pig’s snout.

All hell soon broke loose. From missionary manipulation, the imams achieved in the Arab world what they couldn’t accomplish from exercising their democratic freedoms in Denmark.

But it’s not just the Danish imams who choreographed this passion play. Arab elites also got in on the game. Why wouldn’t they? Such controversies provide convenient opportunities to channel anger away from daily crimes. No wonder President Lahoud of Lebanon insisted that his country “cannot accept any insult to any religion.” That’s rich. Since the late 1970s, the Lebanese government has licensed Hezbollah-run satellite television station al-Manar, among the most viciously anti-Semitic broadcasters on earth.

Similarly, the Justice Minister of the United Arab Emirates has said that the Danish cartoons represent “cultural terrorism, not freedom of expression.” This from a country that promotes its capital as the “Las Vegas of the Gulf,” yet blocks my website – irshadmanji.com — for being “inconsistent with the moral values” of the UAE. Presumably, my site should be an online casino.

Muslims have little integrity demanding respect for our faith if don’t show it for others. When have we demonstrated against Saudi Arabia’s policy to prevent Christians and Jews from stepping on the soil of Mecca? They may come for rare business trips, but nothing more. As long as Rome welcomes non-Christians and Jerusalem embraces non-Jews, we Muslims have more to protest than these cartoons.

None of this is to dismiss the need to take my religion seriously. Hell, Muslims even take seriously the need to be serious: Islam has a teaching against “excessive laughter.” I’m not joking. But does this mean that we should cry “blasphemy” over less-than-flattering depictions of the Prophet Muhammad? God, no.

For one thing, the Koran itself points out that there will always be non-believers, and that it’s for Allah, not Muslims, to deal with them. More than that, the Koran says there is “no compulsion in religion.” Which suggests that nobody should be forced to treat Islamic norms as sacred.

Fine, many Muslims will retort, but we’re talking about the Prophet Muhammad – Allah’s final and therefore perfect messenger. However, Islamic tradition holds that the Prophet was a human being who made mistakes. It’s precisely because he wasn’t perfect that we know about the so-called Satanic Verses; a collection of passages that the Prophet reportedly included in the Koran. Only later did he realize that those verses glorified heathen idols rather than God. According to Islamic legend, he retracted the idolatrous passages, blaming them on a trick played by Satan.

When Muslims put the Prophet on a pedestal, we’re engaging in idolatry of our own. The point of monotheism is to worship one God, not one of God’s emissaries. Which is why humility requires people of faith to mock themselves — and each other — every once in a while.

Here’s my attempt: A priest, a rabbi, and a mullah meet at a conference about religion, and afterwards are sitting around discussing their different faiths. The conversation turns to the topic of taboos.

The priest says to the rabbi and the mullah, “You guys can’t tell me that you’ve never eaten pork.”

“Never!” intones the rabbi.

“Absolutely not!” insists the mullah.

But the priest is skeptical. “Come on, not even once? Maybe in a fit of rebellion when you were younger?”

“Okay,” confesses the rabbi. “When I was young, I once nibbled on bacon.”

“I admit it,” the mullah laughs (not excessively). “In a fit of youthful arrogance, I sampled a pork chop.”

Then the conversation turns to the priest’s religious observances. “You can’t tell me you’ve never had sex,” says the mullah.

“Of course not!” the priest protests. “I took a vow of chastity.”

The mullah and the rabbi roll their eyes. “Maybe after a few drinks?” the rabbi teases.

“Perhaps, in a moment of temptation, your faith waned?” the mullah wonders.

“Okay,” the priest confesses. “Once, when I was drunk in seminary school, I had sexual relations with a woman.”

“Beats pork, huh?” say the rabbi and the mullah.

Clearly, I’m as impure a feminist as I am a Muslim. The difference is, offended feminists won’t threaten to kill me. The same can’t be said for many of my fellow Muslims.

What part of “no compulsion” don’t they understand?

Your letters - posted February 1, 2006

Posted in Q & A on Feb 01, 2006

Posted February 1, 2006

Note to readers: This website update is devoted to the cranks - those grumpy types who exorcise their inner turmoil by denouncing me. Have fun with these letters. I certainly did.

Irshad Manji and Salman Rushdie hawk their updated edition of The Protocols of the Elders of Zion at the Jerusalem Book Fair.

“one message for u manji… u are nothing but a devil a fuckin devil. please I beg u… Go jump off a cliff, u will do the world a huge favor. u are totally whacko in head and ur existence is a shame to everyone. u just like to bask in ur shortlived fame in the media, supporting the zionists because u can get lots of money from those rich bastards. u dont speak for the Muslims, i read ur book and it is the biggest piece of crap ever. please do not call urself a Muslim. i hope u burn in the deepest fires of hell for leading ppl to such great falsehood. i really feel bad for ur parents, having a devil for a daughter, well not their fault you turned into one. i saw that picture of u with the fucker rushdie and for a second I saw two devils staring out at me. if u wanna sink dont take ppl with u. u target weak Muslims and drag them into hellfire with u. i cannot comprehend what must be happening in ur brain. please kill urself and burninhell u dajjals left hand.” - manjiisabitch

“P.S. ur hair looks terrible with the sharp ends, like ur heart which has thorns in it.”

Irshad replies: May you enjoy the photo of me and Salman Rushdie even more now.
Irshad Manji and Salman Rushdie hawk their updated edition of The Protocols of the Elders of Zion at the Jerusalem Book Fair.

“Hi, I read a review of your book after my friend kept repeating your propaganda and lies to me… O by the way she is very articulate and is going to be a doctor and she questions everything now, including Islam. I hope you enjoy your life now, make the most of it. Spend all that dirty money you made. Cos you going to hell. I hope allah forgives you. Actually, i dont, i honestly hope that ariel sharon, bush, blair and all them other punks gang bang you in hell. You would love that (actually i think they wont go near you with a barge poll) spend some of that money on plastic surgery love, you need it (bad)” - Akhtar

Irshad replies: Why would a good Muslim boy like you recommend cosmetic surgery to me? Isn’t that promoting decadent Western values?

“Why are you so ugly?” - Ash

Irshad replies: I won’t be after a date with my Zionist plastic surgeon! (See above.) But you know, not everybody thinks I’m a dog…

“I’m a typical muslim male lesbian hater… LOL. Now before you start at me, consider the immense compliment hidden there for you: The hate here (okay, ‘hate’ is a bad word; call it ‘dislike’ not of the person but of the phenomenon)… So the dislike here is basically of the fact that for every lesbian girl, the straight-guy community is deprived of a potentially fantastic soul mate! My hate is actually a sense of loss. And the prettier the woman, the stronger it feels. This statement is basically a round-about way of saying that you are very a good-looking woman. You rock.

Now to the intent of my letter. Your website’s top banner quotes Rumi, the Muslim love poet — a quote very appropriate for the character of your objectives. But what I am interested to know is, have you actually read Rumi? Not a diluted version but the six volumes of the mathnavi? If you have read it, then you are one of the FEW Muslim women I truly admire simply for their choice of literature. Everything else, including your being a Mossad agent, is insignificant. A westernized Rumi fan is, to me, a safer bet on Islam than a Maulvi who has read nothing other than his maddrassah syllabus.” - Asif

Irshad replies: I insisted on being introduced to the original work of Mevlana Rumi in my first year of university. That’s when I took an honours course in Western civilization and realized that it didn’t include the many contributions Muslims have made to Western civ. I was willing to tolerate such superficiality in my high school social studies classes, but not in the academy.

By the way, I disagree that every addition of a lesbo to this world means straight men are deprived of a soul mate… unless, of course, the soul can only be mated with in bed. Surely any lover of Rumi knows that there’s more to passion than that. *Wink*

“Irshad Manji, you are a hateful twit. I challenge you to read this.” - Sarah

The hateful twit replies: Not only have I read the review, Sarah, but I’ve long posted it on my own website. In fact, I’ve posted many screeds condemning me so that people can make up their own minds. That’s what it’s all about: independent thinking, free of ideological dogma. After all, why would you want to be just like George W. Bush?

Assuming you’re different than Bush, I recommend that you read the responses to that review in the muslimwakeup “comment” forum. You’ll discover a healthy debate. Here’s just one entry that challenges your ‘hateful twit’ remark:

“I have to respectfully disagree with such a critique of manji’s book. I dont necessarily agree with Manji’s views but a critique should be an intellectual unbiased one, this one I feel was a little too one-sided and too emotional, charged with religious feelings. Why remind readers that Manji failed to mention “US hypocrisy” or “Western” this or that? The book is about us Muslims, not about the west or the US. Let’s look at ourselves for a moment and stop complaining and blaming the other all the time. We are only victims if we choose to be. Yes the US and the West have and are doing some hypocritical and sometimes unfair deeds, but what about us? What about our conception of Islam, of a “Muslim” society, of our “Muslim values” etc? Do we hold the key to knowledge and righteousness because we are Muslims? And what is Islam? Do we practice it the right way? What is the right way? Should we be preaching to others? Ask yourselves these questions first, and that is what Manji is advocating, a questioning of our values and practices as rational individuals.” - Safwan, Morocco

Your letters - posted January 1, 2006

Posted in Q & A on Jan 01, 2006

Posted January 1, 2006

Happy 2006! With the New Year comes a new translation of The Trouble with Islam Today. In response to a flood of requests from Iranians, the Persian (Farsi) version is now available to download free of charge. Click here and spread the word.

Meanwhile, readers around the world continue to write me. If you want to glimpse the cool, weird, and sometimes mind-blowing stuff happening in global Islam, read these letters…

UNITED ARAB EMIRATES

“I live in Dubai. I’m about to return there from Toronto and will bring your book with me as it’s not available in the UAE. You know what else isn’t available? Access to your website. This is the message I get when I try to log on:

We apologize that the site you are attempting to visit has been blocked due to its content being inconsistent with the religious, cultural, political and moral values of the United Arab Emirates.

This from a country that is called ‘the Las Vegas of the Gulf’! You’d think they would get past the whole censorship thing by now. It’s amazing to me that they would block a site which promotes critical thought in Islam. Well, actually it’s not all that surprising considering the Saudis breathing down our necks next door. Still, it’s infuriating. STAY LOUD!” - T.A.

MALAYSIA

“I’m writing this after having a nice long conversation with my grandmother about why my family can’t stand the guts out of me. It’s not because I don’t hold the highly respected diploma in science or law. It’s not because I happen to work 9-5 in an office instead of for my husband that I should have married by the time I was 18. It’s because of the ‘sexy’ clothes I wear and the fact that I haven’t married my (non-Muslim) boyfriend of three years.

I come from a family where it’s perfectly okay to close one eye when a favourite son does drugs and a favourite granddaughter flaunts herself at boys while wearing what we call the ‘tudung’ (headscarf). But people like me are considered KAFIRS. I have threatened that if they make me dump my man, I will find myself a woman and never get married (okay, you might take offence at that — sorry!). To top it off, I’m from a one-parent family raised by a SINGLE WOMAN (the shock and horror of it!!!). Yes, all my younger siblings too are seen as the spawn of Satan because their mother DARED to divorce their father. We’ve even got a step-mother living with us who finds it perfectly fine to hit disabled kids and thinks it’s funny when her husband’s other wife miscarries a baby. Did I mention that she also wears the tudung? Gee, how her religion shows!

I don’t get it, Irshad. I seriously don’t. It’s sinful for a woman to follow her own ways but when a man screws around, he gets promised a bunch of hurs [virgins] and green velvet cushions in heaven. Even in so-called progressive Muslim nations like Malaysia, the rules are still fucked up. If I sound crazy, this is what happens when ‘faith’ is forced upon those who choose to follow it with a human brain and not with one of a sheep. That’s what this damn place is made of. Sheep. No wonder my friend from New Zealand said she hardly saw any when she lived there. They’ve all migrated here.

Even though I might not agree with ALL of your ideas, thank heavens you have come out in all respects — successful, loud-mouthed, un-scarved, female. Things we all need to be ashamed of. (Ashamed of creation. That’s just sick, ok?)” - Poiz

AUSTRALIA

“I am a believing Christian. My brother married a Muslim girl and I have inherited an extended Muslim family. The wonderful thing is, we all get on so well together. I can talk about God to my sister-in-law, Abida, much more easily than I can to most of my colleagues at work, who are atheists and consider faith to be ‘unscientific and ignorant.’

My mother and Abida’s mother love each other very much, even though there is something of a language barrier. Recently, when my mother was very ill, Abida and I knelt together and prayed to God for healing. We may not agree on each other’s form of worship, but we respect one another. We also know we that we are equally valuable before God.

Abida’s father had a lot to do with this. He told his family: ‘A good Muslim should be judged by what is in their heart, not by what they wear.’ This, I believe, is how you view your faith. Your book was a revelation to me.” - Zoe

BOSNIA & HERZEGOVINA

“This is a moment of happiness and joy for all queer Muslim activists in Bosnia and Herzegovina, and since you contributed your advice, I want to share the news with you personally. After months of extremely difficult negotiations with the Bosnian authorities, and endless discussions on how we can possibly connect queer issues with Muslim issues, I am proud to announce that the Ministry of Justice of Bosnia and Herzegovina finally made the International Initiative for Visibility of Queer Muslims (IIVQM) a legal, non-governmental organization. So, we are now the first-ever queer Muslim organization officially registered and legally recognized in a predominantly Muslim country!” - Vanja

FRANCE

“It’s very, very hard here for young Muslim gays of North African origin — living in the ‘sensitive zones’. They get hit with murderous hatred from the street/prison culture on one side and Islamic fanaticism on the other. In any school room in the zone, most of the kids have blacked out the photographs in their textbooks because ‘images are un-Islamic.’ Imagine being a young gay person in that kind of situation. The choice is between self-betrayal and personal risk… the degree of which is determined by where you live. Keep up the good work. I really hope they don’t ice you, Irshad. You are definitely living dangerously.” - B.

INDIA

“I am a Muslim and my ancestors were converts from Hinduism to Islam. I credit Islam for giving my family the self-confidence to leave a life of social and economic marginalization in rural India in the 19th century, and providing the impetus to educate themselves. My sister and I are urbane, articulate, successful professionals. I thank my ancestors for choosing the faith they did a century and half ago.

I was in the U.S. doing my Masters when the WTC and Pentagon bombings took place. I cannot tell you how sick I felt. I was taking a class at that time with a Jewish professor from New York. He was and still is one of the best teachers I’ve encountered. After September 11, I had no idea how to face him. A Muslim, determined to eradicate his race, had destroyed an iconic monument in his city. And he used my faith, Islam, to justify it.

When Bombay was bombed in 1991 by a Muslim terrorist, I considered that an attack on me. I stood squarely with other Bombayites as the wronged victim. But in 2001, I did not have the consolation of being a victim. I could not go to my professor’s class. Islam frowns upon cowards, and yet I could not tell him anything then or later on this topic. His attitude towards me never changed.

In the months following that attack, we Muslims moaned about how we were discriminated against. And in many cases, we were. I was physically assaulted on our college campus. But what Muslims experienced was nothing compared to what the terrorists were doing to their adopted countries. They were traitors. Even ordinary non-violent Muslims wanted the material comfort of the West but could not be bothered to accept the values that enabled the West to acquire those comforts. Sexism, anti-Semitism, xenophobia were and still are rampant.

I am back in India but the attitude of Muslims does not cease to shock me. An educated, intelligent woman pursuing her graduate studies contends that 9/11 has not been conclusively proven to the caused by the 19 hijackers from al-Qaeda. A Jewish conspiracy cannot be ruled out, she says. A Muslim Brown University graduate I met is obliquely, but unmistakably, anti-Semitic.

I’ve had it with these people who malign the faith that has helped my family and me get to where we are today. Like you, I’ve started writing and speaking out against their bigotry. With this, I shamelessly pitch my blog: http://ilampoon.blogspot.com/. Please visit. You are my inspiration.” - Akbar

BRITAIN

“I am a Muslim, a head teacher of a faith school in London and an inspector with the Department for Education in England. For the past 10 years, I have been engaged with a study group who meet every few weeks to discuss precisely the sorts of questions you have raised in your absorbing book. I have been asking these ‘difficult’ questions since early adolescence, only to meet with expressions of incredulity and disgust from the self-appointed protectors of foundamentalist Islam. I would just like to express my whole-hearted support for what you are trying to achieve by galvanizing liberal, reform-minded Muslims through the vehicle of Project Ijtihad.” - Dr. Nasim

MEXICO

“My family was never very religious. My parents taught us to believe in ourselves and work to achieve our goals. My brothers, my sister and me all have Masters or Ph.D. Degrees. So you can imagine how shocking it was for my parents when my only sister got secretly married to a Turkish man and converted to Islam. She changed her name and rejected my family’s traditions. Ever since, I’ve been reading about Islam, trying to understand its ideas. I was surprised by the many treasures in the Quran and, at the same time, shocked at how men have misled its beliefs.

My sister had a terrible experience. Her husband beat her often, even when she was pregnant, and kept her isolated for many years. Things changed a bit when they moved to Canada, but after a while, everything started all over again. We haven’t seen or heard from her (or my nephews and nieces) for almost three years. I’ve been seeing documentaries about the situation of Muslim women in Turkey who run away to Germany so they can have their own lives, a life that doesn’t force them to marry a man who they don’t even know.

I just won a fellowship to write about my sister’s (and family’s) experience with Islam. I’ve been buying books to help me out and want to thank you for having the COURAGE to write yours. It takes INTELLIGENCE to observe and analyze your religion. I am sure you have been the target of much abuse. But in the name of the many women that haven’t been able to raise their voices, I congratulate you on a such a brave adventure.” - Sylvia

UGANDA

“I’m a Ugandan Muslim, aged 20, at Makrere University in Kampala. The reason for writing is to let you know that you are a blessing to Muslims all around the world. We need people like you (reformists) to help reduce the bloodshed of the so-called fundamentalists. I have tried to talk to my fellow Muslims about changing the way people look at us, but I got a bad reception. However, this should not discourage us from fighting for a better and authentic Islam. (Remember that we should not alter the word of God.) FIGHT ON — and stay true to your religion!” - Agaba

Your letters - posted November 12, 2005

Posted in Q & A on Nov 12, 2005

Posted November 12, 2005

Dear friends and foes: Between now and the new year, I’ll be all over the map to shoot a documentary film about Islam. Which means that this is the last website update for a few weeks. I predict you’ll enjoy it. After all, this update features your ideas as much as mine.

Recently, an Aussie reader reviewed the entire Letters Archive of irshadmanji.com — two years worth of your comments and my responses. Below are the 46 lessons that he took away. I love #7, #15, #19, #31, #33, #40, and #45.

What if you posted your favorites on the door of your mosque, church, synagogue or temple?

1. Accept the truth from whatever source it proceeds.

2. All human beings are entitled to think for themselves.

3. All systems of belief need to be constantly challenged to maintain equilibrium.

4. Always struggle to create a voice for the voiceless.

5. Arabic is a richly symbolic language in which one word, pronounced with a slightly different inflection, can have the exact opposite meaning of what it started with - thereby leading to ambiguous and wholly imperfect interpretations.

6. Are my beliefs passionately moderate, humane, and open to evolution?

7. Bear true witness, even if it be against yourselves, your parents, or your family.

8. Being tolerant of intolerance is something that doesn’t make sense.

9. Believe in mind, not myth.

10. Blast away at the hardened slag that suffocates religion in order to reveal its golden, beating core.

11. By asking questions, we create conversations rather than make sweeping statements.

12. Complacency gets us further into a hole.

13. Demonstrate your love by how it manifests in your own life.

14. Do we separate ourselves by the narcissism of small differences?

15. Dogma compels us to cling. Faith frees us to explore.

16. Even when disagreement can be almost forbidden, a state that insists on compelling assent can be relatively easily made to look stupid.

17. Every issue must be debated. Every last one.

18. Faith is not threatened by dissent. Dogma, on the other hand, is.

19. Fundamentalism of any stripe reduces each of us to something less than our whole, multi-faceted, paradoxical and eminently interesting selves.

20. How precious freedom of speech and expression is for a healthy and functioning society!

21. I have been a silent Refusenik. While I sat around, you acted. While I listened, you spoke. What I observed, you wrote.

22. Is optimism a lack of information, and pessimism a lack of imagination?

23. Is unswerving belief in scientific supremacy an orthodoxy unto itself?

24. It’s better to speak the truth, no matter how much it may hurt, than to remain silent about it.

25. Keep drinking from the fountain of independent thinking, but quench your thirst without getting drunk in the process.

26. Laughter is the best medicine.

27. Legitimacy requires consulting sources far and wide…

28. Literalism quickly turns into fundamentalism.

29. Love all creatures because of the One who created them.

30. Moralistic, legalistic religion which emphasizes external conformity and blind following betrays its own highest aspirations.

31. Prayer is about thanks, not about endless traditions.

32. Questioning is not intolerance. Denial of questioning is.

33. Questions and answers both root for truth, so go ahead and question.

34. Religion is about how (well) we treat our fellow human beings.

35. Religion often sees God as an answer. Spirituality sees God as a question.

36. Sadly, many of us love to do nothing but blame others.

37. Seek, question, challenge, explore, and grow!

38. Self-esteem and pride are involved in any dispute… (Ego rears its ugly head).

39. Thanks to religion - or my rebellion against it - I learned to distinguish between authority (eg. one’s conscience) and authoritarianism (one’s clerics).

40. The “Straight Path” is also exceptionally wide.

41. The moderate majority has the right, and responsibility, to challenge the fanatics.

42. There’s no shame - and, indeed, great value - in asking questions of sacred texts.

43. Thinking, rather than merely imitating, is key to ending prejudice.

44. What is a religion if not the actions of those who practice it?

45. What’s the moral value of being complacent?

46. When religious faith becomes a ruling political principle, all hell breaks loose!

#40: The “Straight Path” is also exceptionally wide.

Your letters - posted October 1, 2005 (part 1)

Posted in Q & A on Oct 01, 2005

Posted October 1, 2005

“Tell the truth on islam and not all these lies you crazy woman. Ppl like you must pay and will pay.” - Abdel
Posted October 25, 2005

Friends and Foes: I’m devoting this special edition of Muslim-Refusenik.com to Deeyah, a young Muslim singer and musician who has a maverick message for us all. Months ago, Deeyah emailed me out of the blue. She wanted to know if I would appear in her next video. Intrigued, I investigated. I found that she represents integrity and independence of thought, so I showed up at the video shoot.

Since the release of her video, Deeyah has received numerous death threats. Media outlets in Britain, India and elsewhere have succumbed to the intimidation of angry Muslims, and are low-balling a great tune. As an act of support for Deeyah – and for honesty - I am posting her video on this website.

Download it. Take courage from it. Dance.

Click here to play the video of What Will It Be by Deeyah (featuring rap artist Young MayLay) http://www.brainwashproductions.com/

Deeyah says:

My core message in this video is the right of a woman to choose her own path and express herself without the fear of violence or cultural excommunication. This video and song is the first time I have directly addressed the problems I’ve faced being a female Muslim recording artist. After years of being called a “whore,” “devil,” and “bringer of shame” by people who use Islam as their shield, I have decided to let this video speak for me.

In this video I have the faces of women who have been killed in the name of “honor,” and I have put their faces on my naked back. Both the nudity and the showing of these women are considered sins by the very people who perpetrated the hate crimes. I have found that the hypocrisy prevalent in our culture is too much to bear without speaking up. I am tired of the people who clamor at the slightest hint of skin on a Muslim woman but who will not speak up when a woman is beaten and even murdered in the name of Islam. THIS is what brings shame to our culture. This unchanging mentality is what gives Muslims a bad name, NOT a bare shoulder or back. In this video my nudity is a canvas for their crimes.

The irony is, although they claim that skin is a sin, they will still watch me. And they will still see only the nudity, not their crimes reflected in it. That is the basic hypocrisy of their beliefs. They manage to watch but not truly see that their sins are two-fold: murder and lust. Who’s the real criminal – me, the “whore” or they, the “righteous ones”?

Lyrics of What Will It Be by Deeyah
(Verse 1):

Does the truth only come from the top of a holy man’s spire?

From three paces back, covered head to toe?

Are the rules just for the masses and written just for show?
(Pre chorus):

Where the beat goes — nobody knows

Where the street goes — nobody knows

(Chorus):

Do you stand up, lay down or follow?

What will it be?

Will it all be the same again tomorrow?

What will it be?

You can claim it but the words are hollow

Do you stand up, lay down or swallow?

What will it be?

(Verse 2):

Thug life, street life - both sides of the world

Not a bit of glamour – no one listens to the words

Survival of the fittest – or maybe how you’re born

The kids bear the burden when there’s no shelter from the storm

 

(Pre chorus):

Where the children go — nobody knows

Where the money goes — nobody KNOWS

(Chorus):

Do you stand up, lay down or follow?

What will it be?

Will it all be the same again tomorrow?

What will it be?

You can claim it but the words are hollow

Do you stand up, lay down or swallow?

(Young MayLay Rap)

We dont take it lightly when you threatinin women,
how you have so much hate and faith in religion.
Fake in the system, need to take a break wit the dissin,
before you end up in the lake where they fishin.
Hearin bout the Muslim Madona, Asian J Lo, lookin for drama
(ok) if you say so. If you that religious and not wit trendy clothes,
then what you doin even watchin videos.

(Chorus):

Do you stand up, lay down or follow?

What will it be?

Will it all be the same again tomorrow?

What will it be?

You can claim it but the words are hollow

Do you stand up, lay down or swallow?

Do you stand up, lay down or follow?

What will it be?

Will it all be the same again tomorrow?

What will it be?

You can claim it but the words are hollow

Do you stand up, lay down or swallow?

WHAT WILL IT BE?
Irshad replies (not to Abdel but to you, dear reader): Judging by his email address, the individual who sent me this message lives in Denmark.  His last name is Andersen.  Sounds to me a like a convert — and a “homegrown” or “Western-raised” threat.  We’re seeing more and more like him. Which is why pretending that the problem exists outside of the West is no longer an option.  At least the next woman gets it…

“It is time others had the moral courage to admit to the truths that you tell in public.  It is difficult for non-Muslim women to criticize the treatment of women in Islam without being wrongly accused of racism.  I work with women who have been raped and abused. I have no doubts about how the Christian religion has also been used to subjugate women.  However, the honor killings, female genital mutilation, forced marriages, etc taking place in Western societies have been ignored for too long under the guise of respecting other cultures.  It is time that all decent people, regardless of race, religion, or gender stood up against violence and tyranny.” - Eileen, Belfast

Irshad replies: Right on, Eileen! Many Westerners today would like to have it both ways — embracing the universality of human rights as well as the equality of cultures.  But that’s not sustainable.  Because if you believe that all human beings are entitled to a certain set of dignities, then cultural practices that violate those dignities can’t, by definition, be defended. The French-Arab novelist, Amin Maalouf, nailed it when he wrote, “Traditions deserve respect only insofar as they are respectable - that is, exactly insofar as they themselves respect the fundamental rights of men and women.”

“I am a French-Acadian woman. Last summer, I went to Moncton, New Brunswick and saw a large number of women wearing the hijab [head-scarf].  This included a girl of my daughter’s age, 9 years old.  It bothered me.  Not because I don’t agree with expressing faith, au contraire, I do it myself.  It bothered me because there is always that question in the back of my mind… ‘Is it really a choice?’  It worries me that in our country of Canada there are still some women who are not free to make important choices.  But when I heard you on TV, I realized that what bothers me the most is not feeling free enough to simply ASK those questions.

What also scares me is when I hear Muslims (or any other religious people) tell me that I don’t have the authority to discuss religion.  When a person tells that to another person, it creates an even bigger gap between cultures because the person who is trying to understand is suddenly not able to express questions. It is also giving the authority to a certain group of people who have the power to explain and interpret religious books the way they want.  Slowly, Muslims become “THEM” and we are the group called “US”.  And history has shown that “THEM” is always the cause of all troubles, and has to be eliminated by the “US”.  We need more people brave enough to ask real questions. We don’t always need answers, but questions are a necessity!” - Josee

Irshad replies: What I hear you saying is that good-hearted, open-minded liberals in the West fear being called racists if they ask questions about the human rights abuses that are happening in the name of Islam.  Here’s my answer: You WILL be called racists from time to time.  Get used to it.  But don’t make peace with it.  When your accusers hurl the r-word at you, remind them that in the last 100 years alone, more Muslims have been tortured and murdered at the hands of other Muslims than at the hands of any foreign imperial power.  That’s not to deny Western imperialism.  It’s to point out that imperialism comes in many shades and colors.  Because Muslims are the foremost victims of Muslim violence, when you and I stand up for human rights in Islam, the first people we’re defending are ordinary Muslims themselves.  What’s so racist about that? Get comfortable asking those questions — out loud.

“I am a Muslim and I have been living in the West for 20 years.  The rest of my family is still in Asia.  Every time I come home for a visit, once the novelties of my homecoming are gone (usually after 4 days, and usually after dinners where the males in my family seem to take it for granted that their empty plates should be cleared by the women, even though these males are not victims of lost limbs), I seem to start these heated debates with my family about why women are being treated as second-class citizens and the injustices faced by Muslim women in parts of the world.  Every time I raise these questions, I am treated as an outsider, which infuriates me.

I respect my mother and sisters, who recently decided to wear head scarves. But somehow, in doing so, I noticed they have gradually given up some of their rights as women, which is so upsetting to me.  What next? If they decide to wear the burkha, does this mean they are subjecting themselves to beatings from their men, too? I have always thought of my family as modern and liberal, but I am not so sure anymore!!” - G.S., Germany

Irshad replies: As long as you have the courage of your confusions, you should continue asking questions at the dinner table.  I’ve found that merely wondering aloud shakes many Muslims out of their comfortable, complacent certitudes.  Even if it doesn’t feel like you’re getting through to your mother and sister, trust me: In their private moments, when they’re alone, they will not be able to forget your questions.

Above all, don’t worry about tension at the dinner table. When the males with the functioning limbs and empty plates call you an outsider, tell them you’re enough of an insider to know that the Quran states: “Believers, conduct yourselves with justice and bear true witness before God, even if it be against yourselves, your parents, or your family” (4:135). Pass the potatoes, please!

Your letters - posted October 1, 2005 (part 2)

Posted in Q & A on Oct 01, 2005

Posted October 1, 2005

“Tell the truth on islam and not all these lies you crazy woman. Ppl like you must pay and will pay.” - Abdel

Irshad replies (not to Abdel but to you, dear reader): Judging by his email address, the individual who sent me this message lives in Denmark.  His last name is Andersen.  Sounds to me a like a convert — and a “homegrown” or “Western-raised” threat.  We’re seeing more and more like him. Which is why pretending that the problem exists outside of the West is no longer an option.  At least the next woman gets it…

“It is time others had the moral courage to admit to the truths that you tell in public.  It is difficult for non-Muslim women to criticize the treatment of women in Islam without being wrongly accused of racism.  I work with women who have been raped and abused. I have no doubts about how the Christian religion has also been used to subjugate women.  However, the honor killings, female genital mutilation, forced marriages, etc taking place in Western societies have been ignored for too long under the guise of respecting other cultures.  It is time that all decent people, regardless of race, religion, or gender stood up against violence and tyranny.” - Eileen, Belfast

Irshad replies: Right on, Eileen! Many Westerners today would like to have it both ways — embracing the universality of human rights as well as the equality of cultures.  But that’s not sustainable.  Because if you believe that all human beings are entitled to a certain set of dignities, then cultural practices that violate those dignities can’t, by definition, be defended. The French-Arab novelist, Amin Maalouf, nailed it when he wrote, “Traditions deserve respect only insofar as they are respectable - that is, exactly insofar as they themselves respect the fundamental rights of men and women.”

“I am a French-Acadian woman. Last summer, I went to Moncton, New Brunswick and saw a large number of women wearing the hijab [head-scarf].  This included a girl of my daughter’s age, 9 years old.  It bothered me.  Not because I don’t agree with expressing faith, au contraire, I do it myself.  It bothered me because there is always that question in the back of my mind… ‘Is it really a choice?’  It worries me that in our country of Canada there are still some women who are not free to make important choices.  But when I heard you on TV, I realized that what bothers me the most is not feeling free enough to simply ASK those questions.

What also scares me is when I hear Muslims (or any other religious people) tell me that I don’t have the authority to discuss religion.  When a person tells that to another person, it creates an even bigger gap between cultures because the person who is trying to understand is suddenly not able to express questions. It is also giving the authority to a certain group of people who have the power to explain and interpret religious books the way they want.  Slowly, Muslims become “THEM” and we are the group called “US”.  And history has shown that “THEM” is always the cause of all troubles, and has to be eliminated by the “US”.  We need more people brave enough to ask real questions. We don’t always need answers, but questions are a necessity!” - Josee

Irshad replies: What I hear you saying is that good-hearted, open-minded liberals in the West fear being called racists if they ask questions about the human rights abuses that are happening in the name of Islam.  Here’s my answer: You WILL be called racists from time to time.  Get used to it.  But don’t make peace with it.  When your accusers hurl the r-word at you, remind them that in the last 100 years alone, more Muslims have been tortured and murdered at the hands of other Muslims than at the hands of any foreign imperial power.  That’s not to deny Western imperialism.  It’s to point out that imperialism comes in many shades and colors.  Because Muslims are the foremost victims of Muslim violence, when you and I stand up for human rights in Islam, the first people we’re defending are ordinary Muslims themselves.  What’s so racist about that? Get comfortable asking those questions — out loud.

“I am a Muslim and I have been living in the West for 20 years.  The rest of my family is still in Asia.  Every time I come home for a visit, once the novelties of my homecoming are gone (usually after 4 days, and usually after dinners where the males in my family seem to take it for granted that their empty plates should be cleared by the women, even though these males are not victims of lost limbs), I seem to start these heated debates with my family about why women are being treated as second-class citizens and the injustices faced by Muslim women in parts of the world.  Every time I raise these questions, I am treated as an outsider, which infuriates me.

I respect my mother and sisters, who recently decided to wear head scarves. But somehow, in doing so, I noticed they have gradually given up some of their rights as women, which is so upsetting to me.  What next? If they decide to wear the burkha, does this mean they are subjecting themselves to beatings from their men, too? I have always thought of my family as modern and liberal, but I am not so sure anymore!!” - G.S., Germany

Irshad replies: As long as you have the courage of your confusions, you should continue asking questions at the dinner table.  I’ve found that merely wondering aloud shakes many Muslims out of their comfortable, complacent certitudes.  Even if it doesn’t feel like you’re getting through to your mother and sister, trust me: In their private moments, when they’re alone, they will not be able to forget your questions.

Above all, don’t worry about tension at the dinner table. When the males with the functioning limbs and empty plates call you an outsider, tell them you’re enough of an insider to know that the Quran states: “Believers, conduct yourselves with justice and bear true witness before God, even if it be against yourselves, your parents, or your family” (4:135). Pass the potatoes, please!

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